Moved away from 41 Stanley

Germany now. 

Do people actually get used to this?

 Making a presentation now for the undergraduates.

I think this is my first time making a talk for a non-stem audience.

I look back to all the memories now, 

and I shed a tear for how much I have changed.

For better or worse, I look back fondly on the versions of me that have come and gone.

 Sucks when you try something for a long time and someone walks up and does it simply.

So today my friend asked me why not set up a dating profile after always joking about it.

Well, I was actually busy with work, so the first thing that came to mind was "Nahh, I can't be bothered to. I don't want to be in a relationship at the moment."

And then it kind of dawned on me. I love my time alone too much. Yes there are times when I feel lonely, when I want someone to hug, someone to just spend time listening to, spend time dozing off with, spend time looking at. But those moments are fleeting, like an itch that goes away eventually. And in the grand scheme, it's easy to forget. Because it really isn't that 'fulfilling' to settle anyway.

I suppose I still do want to find someone, settle down, maybe even have kids. But for now, I don't think I've met the right person. Or at least, I have not been able to connect with someone to that stage where I realise I am willing to give up my time. 

Hmm. I'm not sure if it's because of Friday's forced ordeal. Or if it's the presentation due tomorrow and the dinner that I have scheduled later. But things are in such a rush, and I have not the time to spend too much time for myself.

But instead of freaking out, I've never felt so calm in a while.

Hello, it has been a while you. The nostalgia creeps in, and I look through my camera feed of events. I'll miss this life, I'll miss this place which has become second to home. I'll miss the good and the ugly. And I'll miss the fucking hellish moments as well in a masochistic twisted way. I'll miss the laughs, the long nights with friends, the lost friendships, the 'could-be' relationships. I'll miss the times of growth, the times of despair, that time of sheer regret. I'll miss the feeling of cold air hitting the lungs, the sweat of the stuffy PL room, the pain of injury, the hurt of missed competitions. I'll miss the first times. All the music, the first kiss, the first time I fell in love. The first time I had my heart broken. The first time I realised that I could be stronger. I'll miss it all. And I wouldn't change a single thing. This perpetual filling of tension, this feeling of what if, this need for improvement, this serenity, this turbulence. It's amazing, the contrasts. And yet, I realise this is who I am at my peak. All the parts of me, of my childhood. I look back, and smile.